Be the Author in the Book of Your Life

Sometimes really horrible things can happen to us; and, although it is normal and okay to be upset about these occurrences, there are ways to move forward from them.

The greatest aspect of imploring these methods, is that over time they can become extremely beneficial for your everyday life. Allow me to expand on this theory…

So, the focus of this blog post is actually scientific in nature. It is about how we, as humans, can work on altering our own reality… in a sense. Of course, this does not mean that we can magically cure the world of all the bad in it, or even that we can prevent bad things from happening even just to us. BUT, what we do have the power to do is alter our perception of these incidences, and also bring more overall positive energy into our lives.

I recently read an article on this very topic. It is titled, “The Science of Happiness: Why complaining is literally killing you”, by Steven Parton. In this post, Steven Parton elaborates on how you are in control of your own mindset, and the relationship between what we frequently think about and the power the frequency gives those thoughts.

Here’s where the science comes into play… your brain communicates thoughts through synapses. These synapses “communicate” by transmitting the message from one to another. But, when a thought is first produced and sent out, there is a large gap in between the sending and receiving synapses… over time, this gap (known as the synapse cleft) becomes smaller and smaller because of the constant firing of this message. Steven compared the power of the frequency of a message to people throwing a ball to one another. Here is an excerpt to further elaborate on this connection

Beyond the absolutely incredible fact that your brain is always doing this, consistently shifting and morphing with every thought, even more exciting is the fact that the synapses you’ve most strongly bonded together (by thinking about more frequently) come to represent your default personality: your intelligence, skills, aptitudes, and most easily accessible thoughts (which are more-or-less the source of your conversation skills).
Let’s dig deeper into the logic behind that. Consider you have two pairs of people throwing a ball back and forth. One pair stands ten feet apart, the other at a distance of 100 feet. One partner from each team throws their ball to their respective partners at the exact same moment with the exact same speed. The first team that catches the ball gets to dictate your personal decision and mental state of mind.
So which team will get the ball first? Basic physics of distance, time, velocity tell us that it will always be the pair standing 10 feet apart. Well this is basically how your thoughts work. Through repetition of thought, you’ve brought the pair of synapses that represent your proclivities closer and closer together, and when the moment arises for you to form a thought ( and thus throw our metaphorical ball of electric energy), the thought that wins is the one that has less distance to travel, the one that will create a bridge between synapses fastest.

In this article, Steven Parton also talks about the power of drifting into the Tao. This is the concept of accepting every instance for exactly what it is, and always looking for the silver lining. This involves asking yourself questions  such as, “what can I take away from this experience?” and learning to love and accept every moment for everything it is, instead of everything it’s not. He also speaks on the importance of surrounding yourself with people who bring out the energy you want to put out into the world. What this means is, if you surround yourself with generally happy people, who have morals that you admire, then you will benefit from their company. Because we automatically mirror the emotions of others we care for (how we empathize) we try to understand their feeligns adn thoughts… which brings us back to the beginning concept of how the more we think about something, the smaller the synaptic gap becomes, in turn making it a more prevalent reaction for us.

I want to make this clear though, as the author also states, that does not mean that if you have a friend going through a hard-time who may be projecting negative thoughts or feelings, that you turn your back on them because you do not want to begin thinking that way. We are talking about a more overall disposition that someone has, as opposed to an unfortunate circumstance they may find themselves in.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Click here for the full article! It is a bit of a read, but well worth every second!


– Virginia Johnson


Are you struggling with keeping a positive mindset, or seeing the good in most situations, or are you just interested in talking to someone about things going on in your life because you simply feel that you do not as you should? Sometimes having a partner in your journey can help. Give us a call  to set up a free phone consultation at Life Skills Resource Group Orlando at 407-355-7378, and one of our Orlando Individual Counselors, Orlando Life Coaches, Orlando Teen Counselors, and Orlando Child counselors would be more than happy to help you, a family member, or a friend work on changing your life.