There is no running away from this reality. You and I know that this will eventually be our fate. But, what happens when death suddenly snatches someone without notice? The pain can feel unmanageable.
First, there’s the shock of the unexpected and then immediate denial. May be, I’ve misunderstood. This just can’t be! Then sadness slowly sinks in, a painful wound throbbing silently; begging notice.
You may experience denial and anger. You may bargain with your creator. If I do this and that, may be my life will return to what it was before. Why such a beautiful soul? Why so young? She had yet to see her children get married. He had yet to graduate and travel the world and fall in love. Why my baby? Why so soon? Why?
Apparently, there seems to be no rhyme or reason to these unexpected endings. How can we begin to make sense of death? Why did this happen to my loved one. They didn’t deserve this.
Death is not a punishment, but a place or state we will all experience. It’s just simply a matter of when. Regardless, when someone leaves too soon, the untimely death creates distress and pain.
How do I deal with this pain? We may bounce around between states of shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It’s in acceptance that we may also find solace. We must allow ourselves to accept the pain and dwell in that state. Rushing ourselves or attempting to numb this pain will result in more pain. Experiencing pain doesn’t mean that we have fallen behind. It doesn’t mean that we aren’t progressing. It means we are progressing further into acceptance.
One technique that allows us to practice acceptance is mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness is a practice in creating space for ourselves to experience our emotions without judgement. As we heal, we begin to accept our new realities.
Practicing mindfulness will allow us to mourn our loss and heal. As we heal, we can begin to focus on celebrating the memory of our loved ones.
If you feel like the depression is debilitating, you simply need help processing your loss, or you would like to practice mindfulness please contact me to set up an appointment. 407-355-7378
Manijeh Sheik, MHCi