How To Love Yourself

By Dr. Darlene Treese (Dr. Dar)

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our world.” -Buddha

One of the most important discoveries has been identifying the power our casual thinking plays in shaping our lives. We have learned that thoughts are things in the earliest stage of becoming reality. What we think about comes about. Thoughts are far more than vague “nothings” that go nowhere and do nothing. Neuroscientists have learned that thoughts are electrical impulses that trigger electrical and chemical switches in the brain. When given a thought (an electrical command), the brain does several things. It responds to the thought by releasing certain chemicals into the body and alerts the central nervous system for an appropriate action or response. It also searches the memory banks for information and creates a mental reaction for that thought. In every case, the brain just records what it receives without judging it as true, false, good, bad, important or unimportant. All of this is stored into the subconscious mind – a tape recorder that has been running since birth. All that you are and all that you hope to be are determined by the information you feed your subconscious mind through your thoughts. To change your life you need to change your thoughts.

There is no other part of your self that plays a more powerful role in your life than your self-esteem. It is the lack of self-esteem that is the root of most of our problems. A healthy self-esteem creates confidence, consideration for others, and a happy worthwhile, balanced, and productive life. To love yourself is to live at your best. There is nothing egotistical or self-centered about it.

Because our own self-believed limitations have held us back so much in the past, we sometimes set unrealistic goals for the immediate future and become frustrated when we do not instantly get what we want. Awareness is the gift – and focusing on these areas will lead to enjoying each moment:

Stop all criticism. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are and acknowledge that you are changing and evolving. Every negative trait is a positive quality misused. A person who is critical and judgmental is misusing the quality of discernment. A person who is reckless misuses confidence; a person who is aggressive misuses enthusiasm. For whatever negative trait you possess, bring your responses back into a pendulum swing of proper perspective and alignment.

Don’t scare yourself with your thoughts by dreading the future and imagining the worse case scenario or by replaying past mistakes. Visualize the best and know that reality will be somewhere in between the very best and the very worst and you will be able to handle it.

Treat yourself as you would someone you dearly loved. By being gentle, kind, patient and encouraging to yourself, you will automatically treat others in the same way.

Praise yourself for each small accomplishment. Whatever your attention is on will expand in duration, frequency and intensity. Pay attention to and acknowledge what you (and others) do right.

Ask for help when you need it. Weak people pretend to be all knowing and totally self-sufficient. Strong people allow others to help them.

Be loving to your negatives. Acknowledge that every negative behavior was created to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs, so you can let go of the old ways of responding as easily as giving up a pair of shoes that have worn out. They just don’t fit for you anymore! Look into a mirror often, focusing on your eyes – the window to the beauty of your soul. Forgive yourself and others for all the uncomfortable feelings that may come up. Acknowledge your uniqueness and know that you are a wonderful thread in the tapestry of life… and without you there would be a space that can be filled by no other.

Love yourself and do it now. Don’t wait until you lose weight, or get the new job or relationship. Begin now. Do the best that you can in each moment. Celebrate the gift of being alive and expressing this love to others.

If you feel like you need help to make this happen, please contact us at Life Skills Resource Group in Orlando at 407.355.7378, our counselors and life coaches are here to help you get on the path to loving yourself.

Read more about Dr. Darlene Treese and Hypnosis. Check out Dr. Dar’s website