Orlando Relationship Counselor Kelli Skorman shares her perspective on starting over after a relationship ends and how she helps her clients on their healing journey.Kelli Skorman, MS
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
The relationship ends. Despite if we wanted it to end or not, we must face the bittersweet truth that it is over. I say “bittersweet” as it can be an arduous process no matter where we stand. “What do I do now?” is the remark that is most often reported. The feeling that the rug has been pulled out from underneath is all too real.
Everyone has an opinion of what you should do next- take dance classes, move far away far….online dating, taking up new hobbies-so many things suggested, but most often nothing seems to work.
Considering I experienced this first hand and relive it with clients each week, I have seen a few things that appear to work best for many, including myself after lots of trial and error.
Many individuals suggest to move, and some say move far away, while this may work for some it is not too practical for many. People have good intentions and think a fresh start is the best restart. On a personal note, I had to restart later in life. I was quite blessed with two beautiful children, but I did not have any other living family for support. Moving close to family was not an option. I thought that I was the only one without any family. I have found that to be far from true. It is the case for many individuals. Many people do not have any family and many do not have children. There are people that simply have no one. In the same respect, there are many who have numerous family members but do not have relations with any of their family. Some do have loving family relationships, but it we realize quickly that the family simply does not have the time or ability to help in the capacity that is needed. It is within us to take the steps necessary to begin a positive and healthy new journey. We cannot rely on others, as we are in charge of our own destiny.
The first step to starting over is to realize our life is in our hands and it is up to us to move forward and make active efforts to embark on a new and exciting journey. Dependence upon others can often hinder our goals. Each individual is uniquely different, and our answers are truly within ourselves. This is where the term “soul search” developed from many years ago.
Take interpersonal time to find what truly makes you happy. This means during free time turn off the cell phone, television, and the internet and just reflect on your life and what is of importance to your genuine happiness. This seems like an easy step but in all honesty how often does one take the time to reflect in pure silence. Take the time to experience the unbound spaciousness of a clear starlit evening, the sound of sea foam from the tide encroaching upon the sandy shore, the warmth of a roaring campfire or the silence of the early morning sunrise. Connection to inner peace is directly accessible through the sights sounds and smells of nature. Once we recognize this source of nourishment for our soul, we can begin healing from our loss and start over.
One of the most abundant resources to begin our new journey is to connect with our faith. When facing incredible pain, and unclear what to do next, we can gravitate toward our faith. Quite often the entity that can help us most is the one we shun. We blame faith or feel it is non-existent as we are in profound pain. The incomprehensible feeling of loss allows us to ignore one of our most readily available sources of help. Whether we are existential, spiritual or religious, our faith can have a profound impact on our road to recovery.
I often incorporate faith into the healing journey and have experienced transformation and recovery that feels almost surreal. There are times that the best thing we can do is not think, wonder, imagine or obsess. Just relax and breathe, and have faith that all will work out for the best.
Seeking therapy is one of the most productive steps to take as one begins their new life. The benefits of therapy extend far beyond the extreme life challenge. Achieving your full potential requires self-knowledge, self-control, and hard work. If you are in a place that is causing you distress, it is much better to deal with it sooner than later. Over time, the issue can keep gaining strength, which can turn into major distress or disaster.
If you would like help “rewriting your story”, the Orlando counselors at Life Skills Resource Group are ready to help you attain all of your goals. Call us at 407-355-7378 and we will arrange a free phone consultation with the counselor that best suits your needs to get you started. If what I have written here resonates with you, please feel free to reach out to me directly @ Kaskorman@gmail.com or call 407-217-2157.