Recently, I have felt as though I have been in a rut and am in need of some change in my life. The problem is that I am unsure of what needs change and where to start. I also don’t really know if changing something in my life will fix this feeling of being stagnant. As humans, we are constantly changing and with that we are looking for changes to make in our lives. On the other hand, it can be very hard to make changes in our lives as we also grow accustom to routines and have a hard time letting go of security.
I am one of those individuals who want to plan out my changes – basically I want to know that this change will be worth it before I make it. Even though I am a big proponent of just doing something and growing from the experience, whether good or bad, it can be comforting to know whether the choice you’re making is going in a good direction or not. So how does one know if making a change in their life is what you truly want and need? I spoke with a friend of mine who said getting to know yourself is a huge factor in making change the right way and recommended I review not only the stages of change blog I wrote previously, but an article by Mind Body Green on what to ask myself when I am ready for change.
Below I have included Dr. Danielle Dowling’s 8 Questions To Ask If You Want To Change Your Life.
- Is my life fun?
Fun is about spontaneity. It seeks us out and our only job is to be ready! Think of your most joyous memories — most of them are probably of times you said yes to something unexpected. We have to make room for bliss to show up, and choose to embrace it when it does.
- Am I waiting for my life to begin?
When you imagine your real life, are you picturing a perfect you? The married, successful _____(fill in the blank), deeply satisfied and eternally calm. Even if you achieve the “perfect you,” you most likely will still be caught in bouts of self-doubt, anxiety and a scarcity mentality. Instead, embrace the gift of no longer waiting for the perfect you. Appreciate the one that is you in all its complexity and imperfection.
- Do I have enough money?
Enough money, like enough anything, is subjective. It is not numerical, nor gauged by a figure in a bank account. Is it a spiritual state of mind? Is it physical, measured by the things we own? How and where are we supposed to be reaching? Enough for each of us is different, but in the last few years I have decided that my “enough” is having some money in savings and some money to invest in me monthly. Enough money to me is whatever amount I need to accumulate experiences that will remind me of my wholeness and make me happy and safe.
- Do I have enough friends?
How many friends are enough? As many as it takes to provide you with the sense of being seen and known. Some might entrust all of their deepest and darkest to one friend. Others spread the burden (and joy) among many. The most important criteria is that our friendships are a two-way street. Making space to celebrate and shoulder grief with our loved ones day or night. Whatever makes you feel fulfilled is enough.
- Do I feel my feelings?
Feelings are messy and inconvenient. Maybe you are good at experiencing levity and laughter or good at expressing your frustration when irritated. But many of us have feelings too unwieldy, too loud, too big. So, we lock them up, turn away and never look back. Yet, over time we are awakened to the fact that we don’t get to experience good stuff without also acknowledging the bad stuff.
Happiness is not the result of avoiding unhappiness. If you don’t resolve to feel pain you wind up, in some way or another, feeling it forever. You become a stranger to yourself. Commit to feeling your feelings. Find that therapist, yogi, or dance class that helps you get in touch with yourself. Be brave enough to say, “I love you,” “You hurt me,” and “I forgive you.”
- Am I overthinking things?
I think many of us find ourselves at the mercy of our minds but it’s astonishing how much easier things get when we actively give our brains a regular break. Thinking is necessary and useful, but when you take time to let your brain relax, you are better equipped to tackle the problems of life.
- What does the future hold?
The future should not just be about investing in a 401K, purchasing a home, and finding the right partner. It should be about adventure, wandering, and embracing possibilities. Approach the future with an open mind. Fill it with activities and people that light you up. Because you can.
- Where am I compromised?
We witness friends make certain mistakes over and over again and wonder how can they be so unaware. But there may be a similar pattern to the problems that plague you. Is there specific criticism you receive regularly? Peer closer at the problems you keep running into and see what they tell you. “Stuck points” can be stubborn but this is actually a good thing! It gives us lots of opportunities to do something about them.
While writing this blog, I found what has now become one of my favorite quotes – “You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.” I truly believe the universe put this quote out there for me to see and remind myself that even though I want to know it all before I make choices, it is okay to start moving forward without all the answers. These answers will come in time, and growth will also come. It is great to know yourself before you make changes, but don’t wait to make changes until you have everything figured out. Sometimes the most beautiful change comes from the unknown.
If you’re looking to make some changes in your life helping relationships with professionals can help. If you’d like a partner in making change, give us a call at Life Skills Resource Group Orlando at 407-355-7378! All of our Orlando Individual counselors can help you along your journey of seeking change. It is possible for you to make changes best for you. Give us a call to begin your journey!