Be True to You…
Asserting yourself is more about speaking your truth and less about how your audience chooses to respond…
Many times we are in situations that require us to take a position. Sometimes we may feel a certain way, but are not aware of exactly what we are feeling. The first step to finding your voice in a situation is to figure out how you feel about it. You may go through life appeasing others habitually, but feeling extremely angry and inauthentic. Ignoring your own feelings is your modus operandi. The critical point here is that we must know how we feel about something and then we must be the first person to offer our essential selves validation. Some people go through life searching for validation from others. However, what they’ve been looking for all along is within themselves. This has more to do with our inner voice.
What kind of an inner voice one has plays a very critical role in our ability to give ourselves validation. Do you inadvertently dismiss your own feelings? Stop. The first step to living a more authentic life is your ability to acknowledge and accept your own feelings as valid and warranted. Next, practice paying attention to these feelings. Often, they are our guiding light our intuition telling us something important.
Once we begin self-validating, it is critical to give a voice to our intuition or gut feeling. If you’ve been struggling with self- validation and self-love this step is essential. It’s possible you find yourself giving your power away or not standing up for your own needs or wants. Once you’ve worked on changing the inner voice in your head to be a more loving and self-validating voice, you are ready to begin advocating for yourself or asserting your needs.
Assertive communication is not about bulldozing, being loud or yelling. It’s about knowing your truth and being confident about it. Assertive communication is honest expression of your thoughts and feelings, while still respecting the other person. You deserve to have your needs and wants met and you need to be your greatest cheerleader. Take a moment and read that again. It’s always been about how you see you, not how they see you. Their perception of you is usually a reflection of what you’ve been projecting all along. Today, you get to take ownership of that narrative. Today you have the opportunity to speak up for yourself. Remember, be polite, choose your words wisely and speak your truth.
“When you speak to me like that, I feel hurt and I’m not Ok with that.”, “Even though I know you want me to be at your party, unfortunately I will not be able to attend” , “ I’m not comfortable having a big wedding and have chosen a small guest list”…Now what? You’ve spoken your mind and even though some people are angry, some are trying to convince you otherwise and some want to engage you in argument…..you simply re-state your truth. Bravo.. In this moment you realize it was never about them, it was always about you having the courage to speak your truth and you did it.
Live your most authentic life.
As you practice speaking your truth and living a life aligned with your intuition and strongest instincts, you will begin to see your anger dissipate. You are living a life that not only validates your essential self but does so in a way that is able to offer others respect while doing so. You are aware of all the pressures around you, which often demand that you succumb, give in and give away your right to live authentically, but you practice daily not giving your power away. As you are going through life you may find yourself triggered, stressed, overwhelmed and confused. Anxiety and self-doubt can take over full force leaving you feeling lost. Life has taken you away from your path and you feel derailed. You no longer know why you feel the way you do. Mindfulness and meditation are excellent tools to include in your daily practice. Meditation is a great way to practice tuning out the noise and helping you to become re-familiarized with your inner voice/ intuition or gut instincts. Being mindful and practicing meditation will help guide you back to the path of being true to yourself as you listen deeply to your inner voice and develop confidence within yourself leaving anxiety and self-doubt far behind.
If you would like to talk with one of our counselors or talk with Manijeh directly please give us a call at 407-355-7378 we would be happy to help you on your journey to live authentically.
Manijeh Sheik, MHCi